Well, fuck

I got fired on Sunday.

On Saturday, I was put on the lemonade making machine. I hate lemons. I expressed this. And so, I was fired.

Or at least, that's the reason that I was given.

I know the real reason is because I went off to the mud pit after work and hung around with Daniel. Apparently, the rougher crowd of medeival enthusisits hang around there. Apparently, I was in some major danger that made me a security liability, and I was fired thusly. God damn it all, I am so pissed off. Well, at least all this anger is good for my writing skills; I've already written one story and added four pages onto my 'con story.

Oh, I almost forgot, I had a Valentine this year! This makes me happy. Daniel gave me a card and a pouch full of these strawberry sucking candies that I mentioned that I was addicted to all of once. I made him a protective amulet, handmade the chain and everything. It's sweet. A didn't even call on Valentines Day, so I've pretty much given up on him and yet...

I don't know why, but I still really care about him. It hurts my heart like crazy and I can't figure out the reason for it. I think I may have really loved him, and you have no idea how much that scares me. In fact, I seem to remember that he was the first one of us to utter the word love, and the first to refer to me as his girlfriend. I miss him. God, I know that when Sage reads this, she'll tell me to get over him and focus on the present and stop acting like Special K, but I really can't help it. I loved him, and it's going to take a while before I'm back to normal.

Ugh, I just remembered something. Five minutes after I was fired, my mom was up and rambling about how I need to get another job. I know this. And then she starts talking about how I'm going to be managing my money: 20% for leisure spending, 50% goes into savings, and 30% goes into our household.
Um, what? No way, man. This is my money we're talking about. I don't mean to be selfish, but it's mine. We live in crap conditions anyway, and this money is being put away so that I can someday afford to move out and rent my own place. And what the hell is up with the 30%? Fuck that. She's not getting any of my money unless I say so.

And a happy Single's Awareness Day to all!

Fuckin' great.

It's today again.

I hate Valentine's Day in more ways than I could possibly list, the foremost of which being that today always reminds me how alone I really am. And I just got word that Sage and Joey have broken up, and he seems to like it that way. Of course, I'm going to have to kill him now in order to restore the honor of my best friend. Perhaps a simple hydrochloric acid enema will do the trick...

Anyhoo, I missed a call from Daniel last night after I conked out in my room. Damned rain, making me all sleepy. It completely messed up my new haircut/dye job. I'm a short haired redhead now, so yay. I love long hair, just not on me. I hope he wasn't trying to call and ask me out, and thinks that I'm ignoring him. But enough about Daniel and all of his problems. This blog is supposed to be about me. I think I'm allowed to get selfish about this sort of thing, don't you?

Forsooth and lack a day, my feet freaking hurt!

Ow ow, bloody, buggering owwwww!

I love the Renfest as much as the next person, but I'm really beginning to hate water. See, I work with soda and ice, and one of our coolers has a leak in it, so my boots got soaked through two days in a row. On Sunday, I saran-wrapped my feet, put gloves on them, then when neither of those things worked, said fuck it and went barefoot. It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to walk on rocks, but what can you do? Bloody nature.

But I made friends!

My boothmates DJ (Dwayne Junior omgwtfbbqlol), Latoya, Richard, and Lindsey are totally fun. And then there are the rose wenches, Amber (whose catchphrase on Saturday was "Don't look at my vag!") and Cheyenne, the pretzelmen Spencer ("I always wear my kilt the traditional way") and Pine Tree ("Cheapest three holes you ever had!"), the cookie men, the horn girls, Afra, Jonothan the masochist, the wandering hottie, and The Troll. The Troll is neat, and he likes me enough to let me play with the gigantic mallet he carries around. Oh, and the guy that I met once at Sushi Takara that sort of looks like my dad works there too. I'm going to have to learn his name, 'cause he's nice. Also, the guy that walks around in a full sherif's outfit with a Bluetooth in his ear pretending to be security is back! He's actually kinda cool, and he tips every time he buys water.

And then there's Daniel.

I noticed Dan lurking around in a cloak and some eye paint that makes him look like he's in Kiss when I first arrived on Saturday. Late in the afternoon on Sunday, I was in one of those moods that makes me want to go over to scary-looking people and make them look not so scary. So I go up to Dan and start bugging him and we talk and I dance along to the pub sing and holler stuff out so that people will come over and buy things ("Ice cold water! Colder than your wife! Ice cold water!"). Then the pub sing is over and Renfest is done for the day and we're still talking. And then we start discussing musicals, and it all goes downhill from there. Next thing I know, we're hoofing out way through Epiphany from Sweeney Todd as we leave the park and the remaining vendors are looking at us like we're insane and, well, he sort of asked me if I was available.

And I sort of said I was.

Because, I mean, after I was completely stood up by A on Friday, while I really don't want to give up on him, I think we may not be as together as I want us to be. And Dan is really sweet, (he kissed my flipping hand after we waltzed around singing A Little Priest!) even if he is a little kooky. Then again, I'm pretty nuts my own self, so this may be a good thing. But I really, really, really don't want to give up on A because no matter how much of a moron he is sometimes, he understands me. And I still love him a whole lot.

I'm confused.

And my feet really fucking hurt.

Confustication ahoy!

I think I like girls.

Well, actually, I know I like girls, but I think that with the exception of A, I'm starting to like them exclusively. I don't want to be that cliched, "Quiet girl that years later at the class reunion you see is actually a lesbian", mainly because I know that I'm not completely a lesbian. I'm bi, on a sort of exclusive level, I guess. I mean, I'm exclusively attracted to A (and Jason Momoa, Steven Strait, and Wolf, but they don't count) on the men's side and as for women...well, I'm still trying to find out what my type is. There's a freshman in my Drama class that is completely adorable and I honestly like her, but I refuse to corrupt a freshman.

And then there's the Cassie/Landi factor. I don't know if they're actually going out or if they're just pretending to, but I'd really like to know. That way, I can stop feeling awkward whenever I get glomped/kissed by Cassie. Gosh, I hope I'm accidentally making her cheat on Landi. That would be both weird and oddly gratifying. Oh well, no matter. Maybe this is just a phase I'm going through. I honestly have no idea.

Clearly, I am both a masochist and insane.

I mean, really.

Just last Friday, after not hearing from A since January 10, I decided that I was done with him. So Wednesday, I decided to give his phone one last try before erasing it from my cell for all eternity, and the bloody thing rang. I hung up, of course.

And then he called back.

Granted, he called back at almost 7:30, when I was on my way home from thrift store Renfest shopping with my mom, but he still called. I was busy, so I asked to call him back.

We talked for almost two hours.

I am quite literally gobsmacked. I don't talk to this guy for almost a month, don't see him for over a month, and the next thing I know, we're making plans to meet today at Barnes and Noble.

Unbloodybelieveable.

I mean, I really do care about A, to a point that it actually scares me. When I don't hear from people for a long time, I assume the worst. I'd actually thought A dead until I saw that he still went on Myspace.

But I still love him.

Look, call me a fool or whatever you want, but being able to unawkwardly continue a conversation where you leave off over a month later, well, that's pretty rare in a guy. Hell, that's rare in a girl. My real issue is, though, this sort of thing will probably happen again. A is like me, except where I fake my emotions as to not make people worry, he just doesn't show any at all.

There are three people on this planet that I simply cannot be completely fake around all the time.

He is one of them.

A says that I make him feel confused, and that he really tries to be open with me. He wanted to know if I faked my emotions around him, like I apparently did with everyone else. I couldn't speak very well, as just hearing his voice again had reduced me to tears of relief. I was blubbing whilst on the flipping phone. So I just said no, I didn't. And he believed me.

A told me that he thought that if Sage ever saw him again, she's want to rip his face off. I don't think that's true. I think she'd much prefer to castrate him, not that I said that. I told him that if he approached cautiously with chocolate, she wouldn't attempt to wound him. He asked what kind of chocolate she liked, then wondered why he had. I teased that he liked me enough to try to win me back over through my friends. He didn't dispute it.

I am very happy.

I'm even happy enough to forget that I won't be going to the school-held anime con in Davie, or that I will be working at the Renfest over the weekend of my birthday, and therefore be unable to go anywhere fun like Universal Studios or Pleasure Island. And I still don't know if Sage is having a party for her 18th, so I may not be able to go to Grad Night, either. And I really, really want to go, as I am not going to participate in Senior Skip Day or attend my prom. I just don't see the point in getting all dressed up in clothes I don't want to wear to go and listen to music I don't like with people I don't know. In all truths, I'd much rather attend Sage's prom or go to the beach or something. Maybe spend the night at the bookstore. I don't know, just anything but prom. Mom is being unbearably unreasonable about it, though. She wants to live vicariously through me by dressing me up like a slut and sending me out to cavort around to hideous music.

There is no chance in hell that this shall happen.

Therefore, I must find out if Sage is having a party and if she isn't, I'm getting myself to fucking Grad Night if it kills me.