Fucking hell, my life has become complicated

Man, I curse a lot lately. But I really need to. I've just learned something important.

Daniel and Kris are the same person with different accents.

Oh my jesus shit no! Didn't I just escape this shit? I wasted a year and a half of my life with that fucktard, I am not going to saddle myself with another one. Augh!

I swear to crod, this guy may be sweet, but he's boring as fuck and obsessed with The Godfather. I hated that movie. Couldn't stay awake throughout it. In fact, every time Daniel starts to mention it, I hang up the phone. And then he just calls back and talks about it some more!!! Augh!

On the upside, last week, I got up in drama and sang my piece. And people liked it. Holy Hera. But I've got to do it again today and next week, and next week is for a grade. I'm so scared, I think I may pee myself.

Oh, and in further good news, I turn eighteen this Friday. I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, I can vote and drive. On the other hand, I can be drafted, go to actual prison, and I don't want to vote or drive. There's no one worth voting for in the coming election.

In other news, I seem to have rekindled my intense love affair with the Aladdin TV series. Ah, Mozenrath, how could I have forsaken thee? Even with the crapfest that was early nineties animated television, I still loved this show. And now that I have a perverse mind, I have discovered that my dearest Moze seemed to have a really intense need to rape Aladdin, both physically and mentally. In one episode, he had him strung up by the arms and legs in a spread-eagled position in a cave with sticky stuff. I'm not making that up. I don't even need to write slash for this, because the slash just writes itself. I'm done corrupting my own childhood now.

One last thing before I slit my internet's wrists: I think I loved A. I mean, really loved him. I looked at the photostrip thing we took at Sawgrass on our first meeting after the con, and my heart began to hurt. I know, right? My heart began to hurt. Mine. I still remember how anxious I'd been, because I wasn't able to reach him by phone and my mom was still with me because she wanted to meet him and he wasn't there, and then I spot him, just as I was walking past the store I helped shield someone who was putting on a bustier in front of. My heart skipped a little then, and I tried to look mad at him, but then he ran up and he hugged me and I, I,

I'm crying. Right now. In my cooking class. My heart hurts so bad that I honestly think it's going to either explode or pop out of my chest and run screaming out of the room. He was my first love, but he'd rather be a hermit than hang out with me. Even when it was him that first refered to me as his girfriend, after he was the first one to say "I love you", after he admitted that he was in love with me. Sigh, I guess life just isn't meant to be happy, for me at least. People keep asking me what I want for my eighteenth birthday, and I tell them I don't know. But I know, I know exactly what I want. The thing is, no one can get it for me.

I want Andy back. My heart hurts too much, too often, for anything else to be a good gift. He messes with my head and makes me show my emotions, and I can't tell whether I want to hit him or kiss him some times, but I guess that that's just what love is. I hate it. I love it. I hate that I love him so much, even after all the shit he's put me through. I guess I just can't help it.

Because I know that it's love.