Is it love or just really bad cramps?

My stomach hurts really, really badly. I don't know if I'm nervous about delibriately disobeying the strictest of my mother's rules (inviting someone over to our house, regardless of her being home or not), the fact that the person I'm breaking this rule for is A, or if I'm just about to get my period. I hope it isn't the last one. Having your period on Christmas sucks. Plus, I was kinda hoping I'd get to do something this weekend...I meant buy that awesome dress from Hot Topic, Sage, so stop opening the "Touch got some!" champagne.



I mean, I like A. I really like A, but at the same time, I don't know. I don't want to push my limits, y'know? I mean, he's only my fondest poetic wish given physical form. What if I end up doing something and he stops liking me? Its easy to start liking a person, but its even easier to hate their guts. I don't want A to stop liking me just yet. And the thing is, I'm really trying with this one. I'm taking better care of my hair and face, and I've all but stopped wearing the same clothes two or more days in a row. Though when you don't have many pairs of pants available for use, you try to get as much use out of them as possible. But back to point. I'm trying, really I am, and I don't want something as trivial as my entire house being a shithole to scare A away.

But then again, he says that he loves me, and I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with him. Surely something like my house wouldn't be enough to scare him away, right? Wait a second, I just realized something. A said that he loved me, but not that he was in love with me. I mean, I love leeks, but I'm sure as hell not in love with leeks. So what is it? Should I ask him, or will something like that scare him away?

Ugh, my brain hurts. I need something less difficult to think about. An English term paper on evolution vs. creationism? No less than five body pages? Ahhhh, finally, something simple.

But still, what should I do about today?! I've already sent him an email about coming over...ah god, I hope I still have a boyfriend come this weekend...